Just Venting...

Ok. I wish I had the link to my other blog. I have one that I made just so I could vent about anything without fearing about what people would think or who was reading it.

But it is on my other computer and I am to lazy to get it. So I will make this as broad as I can.

I am frustrated with people in my life. Not my hubby or kids. But other people...I am frustrated how people treat other people. The looks, the comments, the gossip, and just being so bitchy. I hate it. I hate when people pretend to be your friend. But when you really need them they aren't there. That has been my life story since I was little. Growing up I had very few friends. And even then when I really needed someone no one was there. But God always was.

The one thing in my life that has remained constant and never changing is God. He is the only person that has never left me. He is always there. No matter how far I may stray at times, no matter how much I may sin, or how bitchy I can be at times. He has never left me. The times in my life where I feel like I can't go on anymore (had allot of those when I was younger) He would pick me up and carry me. God blessed me with a puppy when I was about 11 or 12. That was a miracle. Without that puppy (who was really meant as a present to my younger brother for his birthday...But attached itself to me) and God I wouldn't be here today. I had a very tough childhood. Not because of abuse from parents. But from kids and all kids. They were mean and hateful. They made me want to die and just go to Heaven. I would ask God to take me away so that I didn't have to take it anymore. But he didn't. I would fake being sick allot starting at 4th grade until I graduated just so I wouldn't have to go to school. I hated school. I was that one child in every class in elementary and the one child in the school in Junior High and High School that everyone made fun of, teased, or talked about. I am not kidding or being too dramatic. I lived this.. I know.

I had 1 friend in 4 to 6 grade. She left after 6th grade and moved away. I made 2 friends, by the grace of God, in 7th grade. They lasted until 10th grade. One of my friends dropped out of school then and the other got into drugs and turned gay. I was alone again. I made a Good friend in the 2nd half of 7th Grade. I can't remember how long she stayed at the school that I went too. I know not long. But we stayed friends. We are still friends now. She is really one of the only people I can completely trust with my inner most thoughts. I know she won't gossip (she lives really far away....Makes me sad. I wish she was closer so we could hang out), she won't freak out when I tell her how I feel sometimes, she doesn't think I am a bad mom or friend, she just loves me for me.

I have a hand full maybe a little more that I know care deeply for me. And I care deeply for them. But we just don't have the personal relationship that I have with my friend "K". I can tell her anything and not scared to do so. She is really the only one now that I can do that with. I am waiting on a reply from a friend "A" to see if she would be my accountability partner. I could really use one of those that is closer. I am hoping to go deeper with her and being able to completely open up to her as I have been able to do so with my friend "K".

I am so blessed to have the friends that I have in my life. They are great!! Please know that you are if you are reading this!! I know that if I need anything you are there!! If I need prayer you pray for me, if we need food you bring food, if we need love and support I know you will come running. But because of the hurt I have been through, the gossip that has been spread, the lies that have been told, and the pain my family has been through because of a few people that have faked being my friend. I am slow to completely open myself up to many people.

Having a best friend is so important to me. I have one and am blessed to have her....Mrs."K.....You are so special!!!

I am not sure how I got onto all this. I am still just frustrated with people in my life...just a few. Just they can really hurt so much with their words and actions. But I am learning I just don't need those people in my life. Life is too short to let people bring you down. I am praying that God will continue to bring Godly people into my life that will be uplifting and positive. People that will not judge or gossip. People that will be a Godly example!!!!

Friends that I reading this: Please don't read this and think I am talking about you. I just needed to vent. If I had a problem with someone I would go and talk to you. Or in some cases just stop talking altogether. But those of you that I believe read this: Robin, Laura, Deanna, and so on...You know I love you all very much and care deeply for you!!!

Please again.....just know I just needed to vent. I blog about what I need to vent about...Please don't take anything personally!!!

Mommy of 5